High Conflict Divorce Coaching

What is High Conflict Divorce Coaching?

When women find themselves navigating a messy divorce with a tricky ex-partner, having a high conflict divorce coach can be complementary to the help of an attorney and a therapist. We know that most women in these situations are experiencing post-separation abuse, whether they are able to see it or not. So, high conflict divorce coaching is founded on a deep understanding of post-separation abuse and the difficult dynamics women face in a court system that often prioritizes parental rights over child safety.

  • If you resonate with any of the following statements, a high conflict divorce coach can likely help you:

    • I am new to divorcing a narcissist (or high conflict individual) and I don’t want to make mistakes.

    • I am struggling with radical acceptance and/or managing my expectations.

    • I struggle with what (and how) to document.

    • I have been using gray rock communication and it’s hurting my case.

    • I don’t understand what matters to the court system and I feel lost.

    • I feel alone and no one understands – my own therapist seems baffled.

    • I am at odds with my attorney, and I don’t feel heard.

    • I am facing a custody evaluation and I don’t know how to prepare.

    • The judge sees me as part of the problem and I don’t know how to turn this around.

    from Tina Swithan: One Mom's Battle

  • Domestic violence (DV) is more than just physical abuse. During the relationship, domestic violence can be coercive control, physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse, and financial abuse. Even when the relationship ends, the abuse does not stop, it just transitions to a new form of abuse referred to as post separation abuse.

    from Tina Swithan: One Mom's Battle

  • Counter Parenting

    • Undermines the safe parent’s parenting abilities and decisions

    • Denies or withholds consent/care for child’s medical or therapeutic needs

    • Seeks to impose opposing values in the child to spite the safe parent

    "Alienation" Allegations

    • Child favors the safe parent and rejects the abusive parent leading to false allegations of “alienation” despite the fact that "parental alienation" is a pseudo concept, denounced and debunked by all credible organizations around the world

    • “Parental alienation” claims lodged against the safe parent as a legal strategy to cast doubt on their credibility

    Neglectful or Abusive Parenting

    • Exposes children to unsafe content, situations, or people, which creates concern and fear in the safe parent

    • Uses violence, intimidation, threats, manipulation, and ridicule to gain compliance from the children

    • Abusive parent places their own needs above the needs of the child

    Isolation

    • Spreads lies and rumors to family, friends, teachers, and community relationships to discredit the safe parent and destroy their support system and reputation

    • Paints a false narrative, projecting their own issues to discredit the safe parent 

    • Withholds child’s social interaction to maintain abusive parents’ sphere of control 

    Harassment and Stalking

    • Bombards the healthy parent with an overwhelming number of emails, phone calls, and manipulative, threatening, and abusive messages

    • Monitors whereabouts, social interactions, social media, etc. via devices, online communications tools, or spyware

    • Terrorizes and intimidates safe parent with threats without rising to the level of involving law enforcement

    Legal Abuse

    • Misuse of court proceedings to control, harass, intimidate, coerce, and exhaust the financial and emotional resources of the safe parent

    • Disregards court orders, makes false reports, deliberately causes delays in court proceedings, and makes legal threats to assert power and control over the safe parent

    • Seeks a change in custody only as a means of revenge, punishment, and continued control over the safe parent

    Financial Abuse

    • Withholds, mismanages, or delays support payments and court-ordered reimbursements

    • Blocks access to bank accounts and other financial resources

    • Interferes or jeopardizes job interviews, employment, or career advancement of the safe parent

    • Misuse of litigation to disadvantage the safe parent financially

    Coercive Control

    • Creates a sense of fear that pervades all elements of the safe parent’s life

    • Consistently belittles, undermines, shames, and criticizes the safe parent to abuse emotionally

    • Strategically manipulates family, friends, or community into conflict with the safe parent to remain in control and gain an advantage (triangulation)

    • Imposes a false narrative to make the safe parent doubt their reality, memory, and perceptions (gaslighting)

    from Tina Swithan: One Mom's Battle

My Coaching Process

1. Organize — Most women navigating the family court system for the first time think they can just share their truth and the court will take it to heart. That's not the case. It's extremely important to be a good documenter of what is happening. I help my clients learn what and how to document so they can be prepared to rock it in court.

2. Educate — Post separation abuse patterns often impact women in ways they cannot yet see. I help my clients identify and understand these patterns, as well as shift their perspective of their ex-partner and learn to respond in more healthy ways. I also help educate them on best practices when it comes to coparenting, documentation, and communication.

3. Strategize — With so much change and uncertainty ahead, I help women strategize how they can show up step-by-step to their present challenges to achieve desired outcomes in the family court system and in creating the life they want for themselves.

4. Regulate — When we can regulate our nervous system and find calm within the chaos, we will think more clearly and make beneficial choices for our future. I teach my clients how to incorporate tools like breathwork and meditation into their lives, so they can access the part of them who they want to be, who they are proud to be.

5. Discover — Divorce marks a profound time of newfound independence, which can be frightening and exciting all at once. When done well, it requires a shift in perception of who you are at a deep level. I help women cultivate a strong inner foundation—one that is spiritually nourishing and helps them to trust themselves (and maybe even like themselves).

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Buddha